A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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