My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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