1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
