you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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