I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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