Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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