so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
