Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
