do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
