i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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