That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
