I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
