After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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