My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
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test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
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Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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