It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
