i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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