After last night, I could never be a politician.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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