the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
