I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
The struggles of a small town man whore
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
