Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
