WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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