That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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