I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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