so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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