Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
