You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
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you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
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I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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