I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
