this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i barfeds in our rink
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
