wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
