perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
we're so committed to being not committed
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
