I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
