I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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