We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
