Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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