Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
