do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
