he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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