um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Randomize
