would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
