Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
