my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
