the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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