My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize