If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
