the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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