ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
this hospital has no fireball
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
