this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
