I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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