Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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