Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
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Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
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she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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