There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
