I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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