She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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