Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize