You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
