so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
