He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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