The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
now i know why i became what i already was.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
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once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
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nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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