using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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